From chaos to calm: How to have less stressful mornings with your children
Have you ever experienced a morning that feels like you're trapped in a never-ending nightmare? You tried to find time for yourself before everyone woke up, but you were really tired. Everything went wrong – the kids didn't want to wake up, they had a big fuss over their breakfast, and you accidentally spilled milk on your clean clothes. Your coffee got cold, and the kids fought over a toy. You got upset and yelled at them, feeling guilty afterwards. The youngest didn't want to go to school, but you had an important meeting with your boss, so you had to leave her crying with the educator. You were late, overwhelmed and heartbroken.
If this scenario sounds all too familiar, you're not alone. Many parents face the daily challenge of managing stressful mornings with their children. However, the key to turning these chaotic moments into peaceful connections lies in understanding the reasons behind our children's challenging behaviors.
Understanding Challenging Behaviors: why our children behave like that?
The renowned Swiss-American psychologist Aletha Solter, Ph.D., identifies three primary reasons for children's challenging behaviors:
Unmet Needs: When children display challenging behaviors such as not being cooperative, resistance, or aggression, they often have unmet needs. They might be hungry, tired, feeling unwell, or longing for emotional connection with you. Addressing these basic needs is crucial to creating a harmonious morning routine.
Lack of Information: Children may act out when they lack essential information. For example, they might not realize it's already late, and you have an important work meeting. Providing them with clear and age-appropriate explanations can help alleviate misunderstandings and reduce stress.
Accumulated Stress: Another reason for challenging behaviors is the accumulation of stress hormones in their bodies. This can happen due to past distressing feelings and experiences, and they need a safe outlet to release these emotions. Crying is one way they effectively process and release stress, leading to a return to a state of calmness.
Transforming Chaotic Mornings: A Conscious Parenting Approach
Take a Deep Breath and Reflect: When faced with a chaotic morning, take a deep breath and remind yourself of the three reasons behind challenging behaviors. Approach the situation with empathy and an open mind, seeking to understand your child's perspective.
Address Basic Needs: Begin by ensuring that your child's basic needs are met. Offer them breakfast if they are hungry and provide them with the emotional connection they crave after a night of separation.
Play and Connect: Spend a few minutes each morning engaging in play with your children. This dedicated playtime helps them reconnect with you emotionally, facilitating a smoother morning ahead.
Embrace the Crying: If your child starts crying after playtime, embrace it as a positive sign. Crying allows them to release accumulated stress and return to a state of balance. Comfort them, listen to their feelings, and provide a safe space for them to express themselves.
Set Loving Limits: In instances where challenging behaviors persist, offer loving limits instead of giving in to every demand. You can simple tell them you are not willing to do something for them like "cut the toast another way" or "get the blue cup instead of the pink one" but you are there to listen to any feelings that they might have. This approach helps children release pent-up stress through crying, leading them to become calmer afterwards.
Conscious parenting offers a transformative approach to handling chaotic mornings with children. By understanding the underlying reasons for challenging behaviors and responding with empathy, play, and loving limits, you can create a more peaceful and connected morning routine. Embracing your child's emotions and providing them with the support they need will not only lead to a smoother start to the day but also foster a deeper bond between you and your children.
Remember, mornings don't have to be stressful; they can be moments of connection and growth for the entire family.
